Friday, 16 December 2011

Bad Blogging

Well, less 'Bad', more 'No'. Did you miss me?

I want to say I missed you - and for those of you who are sensitive souls: I did, like you wouldn't believe - but the truth of the matter is that I've been quite busy rediscovering Real Life (I KNOW) ... and it's actually quite good. Well, being strictly honest - this is me, after all - it's quite mad, but then that's come as absolutely no surprise.

It's not just blogging I've put to one side. I've had days where I haven't gone anywhere near the murky world of t'internet, days when I HAVEN'T PUT THE LAPTOP ON AT ALL. Can you believe it? Yes, over the past couple of weeks I've discovered pasttimes I never even knew I had. I've watched some TV. (Apprenticeapprenticeapprentice.) I've had a conversation with my husband. (It's unclear whether he thinks this is a good thing, or whether he preferred the silence.) I've had sex without Tweeting midway through. (This bit's a joke. At least, you - and Neil - 'd better hope it is ...) It's been a revelation.

The flip side is that moments of brilliance keep escaping without being firmly committed to the electronic word. Moments such as last night when my two children sat opposite me in the bath, pointed and laughed until they cried at the sight of my front bottom. No, I have no idea why. But it does suggest that if I ever make the move into stand up comedy I probably won't need to do anything more than pulling down my trousers ...

Oh, and Nativity preparations, needless to say, continue at pace. Mortifyingly, it looks like all my fears will be coming true. Mr Jamie's room leader informed me this week that his line is now regularly being said as follows:

"A KIIIIIIND innkeeper said he had a room at the inn ...

... and then Baby Jesus was there and the nasty men got him and they put him on the cross and got the nails and put them through his hands and there was blood EVERYWHERE and then he died and the people were very sad except for the bad soldiers because they had GUNS."

"Hahahahahahahaha." I laughed nervously. "Yes, he said that at home, and he said he was going to tell you about it, so hopefully he won't say it in the play, hahahahahaha."

"He does. That IS what he says in the play now. We can't keep him quiet."

"Oh god."

This follows the incident when he ran into nursery the other morning announcing he had "Baby Jesus toys to play with". ("Jamie. Shush. You mean you have a nativity scene at home. You make us sound like we're in a cult.")

With all this in mind, you can imagine my reaction when our church phoned me up last week to ask whether Mr Jamie would like to be in their nativity play, and whether he'd like to take on the starring role of Joseph. I thought about it for all of 30 seconds.

"You know what? I'm not actually sure he's ready for a role of that magnitude. Where I really think he'd excel would be in one of the silent roles. Jamie is EXCELLENT at keeping quiet. A king? Yes, I'm sure he'd like to be a king. Perhaps he could be a king wearing a muzzle. Just to be on the safe side ..."

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