Oh What A Night

And not in a good, 70s-tastic dancing around in glittery flares type way. (Get me with my uncanny abilities to conjour up such a historically accurate image of the 70s there. I wasn't even BORN people. I know. I know. Enough already with the smug age related gags. You have a grey pube. Yeah yeah yeah.)

And onwards ...

What. A. Night. It started off gloriously. I went to see the marvellous play The Seafarer, directed by Alice, of Fake Aunts fame. T'was very good, and made even better by the brilliant antics of Zoe - Alice's sister - sitting next to me. It wasn't entertaining enough that Zoe's phone started vibrating half way through the first act. It wasn't enough that this startled her so much that she dropped it on the floor with a large 'clang'. No, the best bit was the fact that, upon picking it up, we discovered that it was vibrating in order to remind her that she was currently meant to be watching The Seafarer. Baaaahahahaha. Brilliant. Zoe, we love you.

Regrettably, it went rapidly downhill, and I left the theatre a mere 5 minutes into the second half after receiving a text from Neil telling me that Beth was 'very poorly'. Running to my car, I wished not for the first time that he shared my propensity for exaggeration.

Sadly this isn't the case, and consequently I returned home to find my entire house full of vomit. Beth remained stoically cheerful in the face of adversity, but went on to vomit EVERY HALF AN HOUR throughout the night, usually over me. Not even sticking my bottle of Jean Paul Gaultier inside my nostrils has got rid of the smell of sick. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

Almost 24 hours later, and I have spent the day living the dream of every Modern Mother: typing emails with your left hand while the right one mops yet more vomit as it drains your sad, poorly - and, somewhat randomly, handcuffed (done entirely of her volition, and they're Mr Jamie's, not mine. Although I'm not sure this makes it better) - daughter dry.

Poor, sad, evil smelling Beth. And poor, sad, evil smelling me. Vibes of good health would be greatly appreciated ...