Wednesday, 19 December 2012


I may not be Noddy Holder, but it is indeed Christmas, and finally, finally, I have an opportunity to draw breath and start to feel festive. And, of course, update this blog, in a very festive and an oh so overexcitable manner.

It's not been a good few days (long, tedious, mostly work related) and I was starting to have a little bit of a panic that I was never going to have a chance to get hysterical with joy (and vomit on my own feet, natch) at all.

And then the following happened:

1) I went to see Mr Jamie's nativity play. I'll be honest: my expectations were low. He was cast as a chicken and had mostly focused on the 'killing song' (which it turns out was sung by the Roman soldiers in the play). He also had to wear red tights. This had angered him greatly. (Somewhat ironic, when you think of the amount of time he spends mincing around in my sparkly stilettos.) Oh, and he had to do the 'shaking bottom dance', which he assured me was an official part of the play. Low level mortification was the best I was hoping for. I was therefore stunned to find that it was actually a) a brilliant production, b) a performance which really did require a 'shaking bottom dance' from the chickens (although I'm still slightly unclear as to why), and c) not my son who mortified his parents the most ... that would be the one who vomited everywhere mid song. Brilliant. Admittedly Mr Jamie did look slightly like a vagabond due to the large hole in said red tights, and did forget his one line due to being so focused on adjusting his headwear (like mother, like son) ... but those are merely minor details. The down side of course is that it leaves me with something a dirth of blog material ... bear with me though, we'll get to Point 3 in due course ...

2) I WENT TO M&S AND BOUGHT CANAPES!!! Something I'd thus far avoided doing, in the mistaken belief that this would help me stay in the SIZE 10 JEANS (did I mention them again?) over Christmas. And then I wondered why I felt so sad and un-festive. Wandering past the shops yesterday, I was suddenly gripped with a dawning realisation that all that was wrong with my life ... COULD BE PUT RIGHT WITH SOME MINIATURE SMOKED SALMON BAGELS AND CHICKEN KIEVS. And it's true. It has put it all right. Although, just to be sure, I've also picked up some from Sainsbury's ... and I'll be in Tesco tomorrow ... and Ocado are coming on Friday night ... Happy days :)

3) We took a drive around the local 'chav' estate (part of which I live on ... I know, I know) to look at the unbelievably tacky festive Christmas lights people have chosen to festoon their houses with. Mr Jamie was very excited. We had an ongoing recitative of 'Christmas lights ... more Christmas lights ... more Christmas lights ... oh wow ... oh wow ...' which developed until we hit new levels of hyperbole: 'Oh golly gosh ... oh golly gosh ... more Christmas lights ... oh golly gosh.' And then crescendoed in what I can only describe as the most Mr Jamie-like of manners:

'Oh golly gosh ... oh golly gosh ...' - as we arrived at the most tackily decorated and shining bright abode of them all ... 'OH GOLLY GOSH AND BLOODY HELL!'

Neil and I would have attempted to berate him for his language choice, but given neither of us could breathe for laughing it was never going to happen.

Happy Christmas, blog readers. Have an awesome one, have many canapes and bottles glasses of champagne ... and may all your Christmasses be filled with comedy material just waiting to be put into a blog.


Ann Courtney said...

Great to have the time to read of your wacky life - Flooding and Norovirus have got in the way of both blogging and photography in my neck of the woods...hey ho! Have a good one!

KT said...

Goodness, hope you're all on the mend now and thoroughly dried out! Have a great one :)

Luna said...

Merry Christmas to you and all your brood. Hugs x

KT said...

And the same to you my lovely xxx


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