Next Sunday is this blog's fourth birthday. Fourth. FOURTH! Four years I've been spouting this drivel to you all. For those of you who have stuck by me since the beginning ... you nutters. (And thank you.)
I had intended - and still do intend - to mark my annual Blog Birthday by making you all write lovely things about me. (More on this in a moment.) I thought I'd get this post written a week early given next weekend I'll have the minor distraction of my younger sister, aka The Shit (I was such a delightful sibling in our younger days ... what a great name to not only be landed with, but to have spread around the entire school. I'm not entirely sure why Helen still talks to me), getting married. (Good luck Matt. If you need any advice on inappropriate nicknames you know where to come.) So if you can all just imagine we're already on 12th May then that would be marvellous.
Remember Neil? Long suffering man I'm married to? Good looking, not permitted to go anywhere near other women for fear of me removing their clitorii? Yep, that's the one. For the past four years Neil has (just about) tolerated my writing of this blog, whilst resisting any (increasingly forceful) attempts to get him to actually read it. He's shunned Facebook, eschewed Twitter and generally stayed well clear of my 'internet madness', as he's almost certainly described it along the way.
NEIL HAS SET UP HIS OWN BLOG.
Not only is this outrageous, it's doubly so ... because it's actually very funny. (There is a small possibility it might even be funnier than mine, but anyone who thinks to mention that will immediately be sent to sit on the Naughty Step for all eternity.)
Obviously I expect you all to remain loyal IKINTST readers ... but it would be remiss of me not to give him a little bit of a plug. (He's also on Twitter - @wrenfoe.) Here it is, go enjoy. And then get your arses back here immediately.
Neil's Blog Which Is Obviously Nowhere Near As Funny As This One (Probably)
Right, that's quite enough about that. In the meantime, I'd like you all please to give me some love. This blog is a fairly comment free zone these days (entirely understandable - what in the world do you respond with to something like this), but once a year I do like to try and find out who's still out there and still reading. So if you are, please, give me a little 'hello' in the comments bit below, and properly make my day. (If you want to tell me how much funnier than Neil I am, that's even better.) And remember: it doesn't matter how satirically brilliant you are, I still defy you to ever have a life experience which is as defining/destroying/hysteria-inducing as THIS.
Although Neil was there for that as well, wasn't he?