Monday, 15 July 2013

Things I Cannot Do

  • Dance

  • Turn down wine

  • Have a rational response to my husband being in the same room/city/country/planet as another woman

  • Keep a tidy house (Clean: yes. Tidy: not so much.)

  • Not fall over

  • Get one leg behind my head (Won't ever stop me trying, mind.)

  • Budget (aka Not Spend Money)

  • Fit into size 8 jeans (dammit)

  • Wear hotpants (ditto)

  • Skip with a skipping rope (See point above about Not Falling Over.)

  • Eat raw cheese (blaaaaaaagggggh)

  • Not shout at my children when they are annoying the fuck out of me

  • Use appropriate language

  • Drive (Without crashing.)

  • Sew

  • Draw (paint, crayon, sculpt, etc... the artistic gene most definitely passed me by)

  • DIY (see above)

  • Cartwheels

  • Full press ups (Nor, should I add, should anyone want to do these.)

  • Wear my hair down (without looking like a balding man with a comb-over)

  • Extend my attention span beyond 30 seconds (unless its focused on me, in which case I find 30 hours isn't quite long enough)

  • Not wee on my own phone

  • Take myself seriously

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